Positive Change

Beginning and Ending with Gratitude, Part 2

Continuing on the ideas I shared in a previous blog post, I wanted to share a virtual version of the practice that Dr. Glenda Eoyang calls “Poems.” An exercise to express gratitude toward your team mates. In the past, I’ve done this practice with senior leaders and natural working teams, with outstanding success. And I wondered if being in proximity makes it easy and more impactful. Taking turns silently reflecting on positive attributes of one person, writing them down on post-its, and handing them as if gifts to your colleague… I felt I would miss a lot.

I finally brought up the courage to do this exercise in a Zoom world. And boy, was I proven wrong. It was still easy; it was still impactful, and the energy was still going off the charts.

I’m sharing the experience and practical steps to inspire you and make it easy for you to try.

I used Mentimeter as the primary tool and had set the expectations that we will use a smartphone, tablet, or secondary device for polling. And they knew coming in that we will do a special retrospective and team building exercise.

I started out with a warm-up question in the vein of gratitude. Meant to be light-hearted and as you can see was taken lightheartedly.

After that I had two slides to set the stage for the exercise and the prompt. Reminding them to practice the art of noticing positive attributes in others and then presenting them the following prompt:

What is a positive attribute you would use to describe your team mate? e.g. funny, approachable, honest, radically curious etc

I would ask the person who’s name would be on the slide to be the receiver and everyone else be the senders. I asked them to write the answers and not hit submit until one-at-a-time they said what they noticed in their colleague (multiple attributes allowed.) And we created poems for each one. And here are some examples:

The feedback I received from the session was immensely validating that gratitude is an energy. When you give it in a structured or unstructured format, you build energy for yourself to use.

I had scheduled this session after the team got to each other for a month, and I had it scheduled on the last day of the week and late in the day. And you’d be forgiven, if you met them and thought the high energy is coming from a team that has just started their week and are ready to take on the world.

And I appreciate you for taking the time to read this post. And I encourage you to build more positivity and gratitude in your places of work, home, and communities!

Patterns and Possibilities

The Power of Inquiry

I use the power of inquiry when I’m coaching my clients or when I need to help myself get unstuck. When you hold yourself longer in inquiry, something amazing happens-new connections appear, clarity becomes tractable.

I often do it in a one-on-one setting. And although, not as frequently with a sizeable crowd, I had the privilege of holding space in Agile Open Northwest 2020 in Seattle (before the pandemic hit our shores.) Received overwhelmingly positive feedback from seasoned practitioners and coaches.

One of my dear friends, Enrico Teotti, used his graphic recording superpowers to make a visual depiction of the event. I’ll use those below to walk you through the steps.

Just to set the stage, the practice and theory comes from Human Systems Dynamics. We believe that in a complex system answers have a short shelf-life but good questions can serve you forever. Questions that invite yes/no answers are ok. Powerful questions are better. And questions that are complexity-aware are best! An example of a complexity-aware question would be what are the differences you see in a particular issue? what is a normative truth in this sticky issue?

So, how would you go about trying this out with a friend or a colleague?

Think of a sticky issue – an issue that’s on your mind, something that keeps coming back, something that seems to be intractable.

Write three sentences describing, possibly unique, aspects of that issue. This part is self-reflection.

Now for the fun part. Present the three sentences to the listener (your friend or colleague, if you’re trying it out for the first time.) The listener won’t interrupt and will hold the questions for later.

When you’re done presenting the questions, you’ll go into listening-only mode. For the next 3-5 minutes (or longer), your friend will ask you as many questions to fill the time. It’s important that you don’t respond to any question, including clarifying questions. If it’s hard to stay silent, scribble notes on a paper. Finally, if you like, debrief on the experience. And if you’re learning together, swap roles and start over with your friend’s sticky issue.

It’s amazing what this simple structure can unlock. It’s as much of an art as it’s a science to ask the right questions. And you’ll get there with deliberate practice and tacit knowledge. Once you deepen this practice, you’ll come to appreciate what it offers and how it serves you in a rapidly changing world with adaptive actions. Inquiry is the answer!

Now what is one thing that you want to try from this practice? What sticky issue deserves your attention for a better future? What would you be your focus, yourself? Your family? Your work? Society at large?

I’d love to hear from you.

Patterns and Possibilities

Pattern Spotting Super Powers

A restless world requires a unique skill set than what we might be used to. One of those skills is the ability to spot patterns in a complex system. And yes, you can develop and hone that skill, like any other skill, with deliberate practice.

And this is an important distinction from the old way of consulting where the organization has to live up to someone else’s standards or checklists. Coaches who thrive in this world have a stronger sense of discovery. In interviews and workshops, I’m looking for patterns and how that presents the system. Standing in inquiry longer helps with better decisions on next wise actions.

One of my favorite stories to illustrate this example comes from Dr. Glenda Eoyang of HSD Institute. And it goes like this:

An agricultural institution had hired her to work with this team of general-purpose managers who were not getting along with each other. Their current jobs were not aligned with their schooling. And their unhealthy interactions were impeding work.

In a workshop setting, she asked them to list all the differences in the room. They talked about cars they drove, the sports team they like, married or single, etc. Folks found it lighthearted and were having a good time. Then one of them said, “We went to different campuses.” And the noise in the room dropped. Glenda realized that this was an important difference, so she asked about it. Most of the people in the room had gone to the state’s university. Some had gone to the Agricultural Business campus. While others had gone to the Agricultural Tech campus where they did farming and husbandry.

So, she invited them to split into groups in the room. Everyone who went to one campus on one side of the room, and the ones who went to the other campus on the other side of the room. Then she asked to share what they thought the other group said about them. The business folks said that they probably say that we are just fancy all-talk with no purpose or value. And more nasty things they knew the other side said about them. The farmhands said that the other group probably thinks of them as unwashed and uncultured. And unloaded more thoughts. In the middle of the naming of names, one of them said, “But if they didn’t do what they do, we couldn’t do what we do.” And that was the point at which they could settle into figuring out how to build on the contributions of both sides of the room and began to work like a team.

I love this story for many reasons, mainly because it resonates with my own experiences in coaching day-in and day-out. And that this is exactly how I influence and nurture positive change. And I believe that when we turn our judgement into curiosity, we can fresh ways to get unstuck and keep thriving.

Positive Change

Beginning and Ending with Gratitude

I’ve experimented with gratitude for many years. It started with me wanting to believe its value. Now, there was this messy middle of my experiments where I would find myself frozen with inaction, insincere, and awkward. I had to build the courage to notice and appreciate others. To my surprise, it wasn’t a noble deed for them, rather; it built an energy store for me. An energy store that I could use to great effect and impact.

Even in the face of extreme difficulty, there is much to be grateful for. Gratitude is a matter of choice, we can always focus on what and who we are grateful for. It helps us get grounded and build the energy to move forward in seemingly intractable situations. As a student and practitioner of complexity, I’m always looking for differences that make a difference. Practicing and expressing gratitude is one of those differences. 

I was in China on an international assignment for 3 months and conducted several workshops for the coaches. I ran a gratitude workshop that I learned from Dr. Glenda Eoyang near the end of my assignment. I knew it would be impactful, what I did not know was that it would create ripple effects of positivity. One of my associates there recently reached out to me and was delightfully describing how she loves it and how she’s facilitated in different settings including an extended leadership team meeting. She felt it spoke to her and that she’s finding the same spark light up with others. (I intend to write up instructions for the workshop in a subsequent blog post)

None of what I have said so far should be earth shattering. It’s common sense, it’s simple. Yet, I find people surprised when I thank them for something they did or for the bright smile they brought to work today or that I’m just grateful to see them. It’s simple, and yet, it isn’t easy without deliberate practice.

One of my mentors helped me realize my own limitations when he asked me to thank five people every day until it becomes an unconscious habit. And man, was it hard. I would make excuses, say that it feels weird. And as hilarious as it would sound, he said I should be already 50% done before I even leave for work by thanking people in my household. He wouldn’t let me get away with excuses. 

And I’m grateful to my mentor for that. When I offer reinforcing feedback or thanks to others, I build my energy reserve. I feel more positive throughout the day.

I’ll leave you with a meeting warm-up that I love doing. And I encourage you to try it with your team.

Invite people to answer a question in the category of gratitude. You may ask “what are you thankful for? Or you can change it up for limitless possibilities. The advice here is to pick only one question and model the behavior by going first. Here are two examples I’ve used in the past:

What fills you with gratitude right here, right now?

As you reflect on the past (day, week, month), who do you feel thankful to?

And now it’s your turn!

Read part two of this blog post here.